Laura Brazen, a grandparent, shares her experience raising her grandchildren after their parents were unable to care for them.
Guest: Laura Brazan, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
On LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/laura-brazan/
On Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/GrandparentsRaisingGrandchilden/
Host: Dr. Deborah Heiser
On ITSPmagazine 👉 https://www.itspmagazine.com/itspmagazine-podcast-radio-hosts/deborah-heiser-phd
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Episode Introduction
Laura Brazan, a grandparent raising grandchildren, discussed her journey on her podcast. She shared how she and her husband took in their grandchildren after their parents were unable to care for them due to neglect and abuse. Laura highlighted the challenges, including the children's trauma, neurodiversity, and the lack of resources specifically for grandparents. She emphasized the importance of kinship navigator programs, community support, and her podcast as a resource. Laura stressed the need for awareness and support for grandparents in similar situations, encouraging them to seek help and not feel isolated.
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Resources
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4UzdnPwgilhngrzlCcQhjJ
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Website: https://www.grandparents-raising-grandchildren.org/
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Grandparents Raising Grandchildren | A Conversation with Laura Brazen | After 40 Podcast with Dr. Deborah Heiser
Speaker 1 0:20
Laura, welcome back to after 40 I'm so excited that you're here with us today. I have a great guest here with me today. Her name is Laura brazen, and she is amazing. She is a grandparent who is raising grandchildren, and I just have a few fun facts for you. According to the US Census Bureau, in 2021 approximately 6.7 million grandparents lived with their grandchildren under the age of 18, and of these, about 2.1 million were responsible for their grandchildren's basic needs. This isn't something that's talked about much, but Laura has taken this by the helm, and she has her own podcast where she talks about this regularly. She has a wide network of people who read her blog or her newsletter, and so welcome, Laura. I'm so glad you're here to talk about this really important topic.
Unknown Speaker 1:29
Thanks, Deborah, it's nice to be with you.
Speaker 1 1:31
So Laura, tell me, as a grandparent taking care of grandchildren, can you tell me about that experience? How was it that this came about if you're happy, if you're willing to share that, and can you tell me a little bit about what it's like now? Yes,
Speaker 2 1:47
well, my husband and I were on vacation when we got a call from Child Protective Services, and their parents were not able to take care of them. Their mother was going to jail for neglect and abuse. Father had been an absentee father for about a year and a half, and I just couldn't see these children going into the Texas foster care system. I knew that it was an overburden system to begin with, and even though they weren't my biological children, they're actually the children of my husband's son. I just knew we had to go rescue them, and as grandparents, I found out we have a lot of rights. So we arranged for the children to go with family members until we could get home. We were overseas, and we flew back to our home, got in our truck, and because we knew we had things to pick up of the kids belongings, and drove down to Texas in what turned to be we live in Montana, and Montana has crazy seasons. We hit a snow storm on the way down. So it was absolutely crazy getting down there, but we did, and when we arrived, it had taken four adults to manage the children for three days until we got there, and I had no idea what we were walking into, I thought that I was rescuing two children who would be thankful to have us to be in a warm home and have home cooked food served to them. And that was not the situation. It was a whole nother world. And as you mentioned, I had no idea those type of statistics were out there. I had no idea that children were living in these conditions, and it had been masked from us somewhat, although I knew things weren't quite normal in their home. I had no idea what we were dealing with, really. So these children had had no boundaries set for them. They had been they were unkempt once we actually bathed them and we found open sores on their bodies. The details were pretty gory. Their hair was matted. They were starving. They had been feeding themselves out of the refrigerator and out of the cabinets. So when you take children out of a situation like that, and this is something I was not aware of until it happened. They, and they later were able to put this into words. It was like coming into an alien world. They did not, all of a sudden feel nurtured and cared for. They they were frightened, really. So we had two wild things on our hands, and we got them back to Montana. They hadn't even been in car seats, so it was like putting them in jail, putting them in a car for three days and driving them home. That was just the beginning. There obviously whole lives turned upside down. We went from being recent retirees to full time parents again with children who were neurodiverse, had trauma issues, and it took a couple of years to really adjust, and really now it's been just over three years, and things are starting to feel normal for them, but we even just recently found out that one of our grandchildren has dyslexia, so learning A lot, which is how the podcast came about. The the podcast was came out of an effort to reach out in every direction I could, to find out how I could get help for them. And through the University of Montana, thankfully, about a year and a half into having them, we found them to be the greatest resource. It was a kinship Caregiver Program, which now they have in many states. And they encouraged me to, I mean, I thought if I had that much, if it took that much work for me to find a resource that could help me, then other people must be experiencing the same thing too. So the podcast came about. So you
Speaker 1 6:46
you use the podcast to learn. You know, because you bring guests on that highlight some of the issues that are interesting to you or useful to you, which are obviously helpful to the millions of others who need those resources as well. You know, I'm so surprised that there weren't more resources. Maybe I shouldn't be that were widely available. Is this? this someone who's navigated this now for a few years? What was the best resource? I know you said the local university, but you know, if you were to look nationally, was there anything available at all for you? No, the
Speaker 2 7:30
normal sources, state sources, were very bland being I must say, if you are at a poverty level, if you live at a poverty level, there are more resources available to you in terms of financial help and support for things like child care and food. But as far as psychological support and networks, there aren't many specific specifically for grandparents, it's it's a very different experience for grandparents than it is for many other caregivers, because, number one, our age. Number two, because we're coping with also, usually either the death or incarceration of a child, you're dealing with your own trauma and trying while you're trying to take care of these kids, but it's socially very isolating. We just don't, you know, socialize with people you know our peers are our 20 years younger than us, so we and people our age don't want to hang around with traumatized children. It's not a relaxing way to socialize together. So if you lose your friends, you are also in a different financial situation. You're retired with a limited income, and you didn't plan for this financially. So it's very scary, and I don't know why there isn't more support, but I think it's a fairly it's a rising segment of society that that has been attributed to COVID the opioid epidemic, and those issues which are which are growing in our society. And it's also something people don't want to talk about. People don't want to talk about what these parents are doing to their kids and our our children are somewhat isolated, also from having friends, because they're talking about parents that have had guns and knives in the home, or drugs in the home, or all kinds of a number of other topics that people really don't want to
Speaker 1 10:20
talk about. Yeah, yeah. So you're still navigating it. You You know really got, got yourself in a situation where you now know how to do it day to day, but you're still navigating every new nuance that comes out and, you know, it's, I really think that I was not aware of this before I spoke with you. I wasn't either, my goodness, there needs to be a community that is really brought about so that everyone in all the states can even get together and and pool resources, but the psychological component of it is so unbelievable, because now you have trauma, the kids have trauma, and how do you navigate that moving forward? It's you really, I'm really inspired by you, because you took this on, and you've never looked back, and so you now have this newsletter, you have this podcast, and you are the now, now the sort of center of all of the resources that have been gathered. And I think that that's super important. I'd love it if you could share with me and everyone listening, where are places that people can go? Where, if you had to give a list of just a few resources now that you've gathered them, and it doesn't have to be financial, but whatever you think, some of the top resources are that have helped you to get through things.
Speaker 2 11:53
Well, there are kinship navigator programs, and they're growing in in every state, they are the hub of all the information that you at least need to find out about, whether it's legal or financial or psychological or childcare related, they know in or they will find out who you can call to get information in any one of those subject areas that those Those programs are growing. The laws are changing slowly. But for instance, in our situation, financial support wasn't available unless we had let them go into the foster care system and gotten them out. Well, legislatively, those laws are changing, so it's probably one of the last concerns for legislature, but that's one of the reasons why I'm trying to bring awareness to the subject, because obviously squeaky wheels get the grease. So more of us, the more of us that talk and communicate, the better. As far as other resources, I just always recommend connecting with whether it's an aging service in your community. I let all the aging services in the area know that we're there because there are so many grandparents that are raising grandchildren. Churches, of course, any kind of community service, reach out to them and find out what you can I became a peer to peer coordinator, also for kinship caregivers in general, any kinship caregiver group will have grandparents in it that are raising grandchildren. That's the best advice I can give also our podcast. I mean, we are the number one podcast on Apple and Spotify. I love hearing from people. We share both the grandparents stories. We share stories from grandchildren that have been raised by their grandparents, and we share all the information from psychological to educational to legal resources on our
Speaker 1 14:23
You're amazing, and you know, I applaud you. I do hope that people will check out your your site, your podcast, and that they will subscribe to your newsletter, because honestly, I think you're going to be the big connector. It's going to be you. You're going to be like the AARP of grandparents raising grandchildren as the main resource, just because you've done all the work that you've done to make it happen for yourself and shared it out with others, those are great tips. I would like to just add that if anyone is listening, it doesn't, don't wait until this might become something that affects you learn about it now, because this is something that no one says, I'm going to plan for this. It's something that happens suddenly. Usually it's something that people aren't expecting. And if you have in the back of your mind that there are some resources here, you'll be able to be with the millions of other people who are going to be accessing Laura's network, and you'll be in good company. Well, I
Speaker 2 15:31
appreciate bringing awareness to it and sharing the podcast to people. If you know people that are raising grandchildren, get the message out to them. It doesn't cost anything to listen to the podcast. I'm not doing this to make money. I'm doing it to bring awareness to the subject, because it's comforting to know you're not alone, which is how I felt. It was very scary, and those people tend to become introverted and not try and ask for help, because they're trying to manage it all alone. You don't need to be alone. It helps to hear the stories. I've also heard from other grandparents that have shared their stories, that it helps to get your story out there and hear it yourself.
Speaker 1 16:20
And I hope that anyone listening to this leave a comment, reach out to me, and I can also help you to get in touch with Laura if you'd like. But your stories do need to be heard. You're so right. This is not something that should be an isolating experience. There's no shame with this. There's no negative aspect to any of this. Love is love, and it's just amazing when we can have more connections out there. It's probably something good for social prescribing and things like that as well, which are also new movements that are connecting older communities. So you bring up some other really cool things that are out there, just as part of the connecting of all of us across the country.
Speaker 2 17:03
And Deborah, you brought up a great point. I can't stress enough how important it is not to feel shame over the way you're managing the situation, not to feel shame over the fact that it's happening in your family, and the most important thing is to know that you're doing the best you can. But I also want to add that this is not something everyone should do or can do, and being able to admit that you can't is also important, and there are resources to get support with that, to get your grandchildren the help they need if you can't do it yourself.
Speaker 1 17:47
Absolutely, that's such a good point, you know, because if you if you even just don't want to do it, there's no shame in that. But if you do get involved with as many other people as you possibly can, and if you don't want to, there are resources that can help get your grandchildren who think they should and could be with so those are great points. Laura, I
Speaker 2 18:11
want to thank you. Oh, go ahead. I was just going to say I don't have any problem with anyone contacting me. I love to help, talk, talk with and encourage others, so
Speaker 1 18:24
feel free to reach out. Absolutely I'm going to leave your information in the show notes so that people can get in touch with you. I'm going to leave the information for your newsletter and your podcast, but I'd like to thank you for coming on today, and I would like to thank all the listeners who are going to be reaching out, because it takes that first step to make things happen. So thank you in advance to everyone who's going to be reaching out and contacting either myself or Laura. So Laura again, thank you for being on the show today. You're an amazing inspiration, and I'm hoping that together, we can all also support you in making this big community a more well served community. Thanks. I appreciate it. Deborah, welcome back to
Transcribed by https://otter.ai